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My dog Jessica aka Jessie aka Jess aka Jessie Le’ Supli Dog is by far one of the best dogs that you could have on the face of the planet. She is kind, loving, a bit of a rabble rouser and she loves to cuddle and have her tummy rubbed. There have been countless times that we have cuddled on the sofa and she’s given me the equivalent of a doggie hug.  There has been times I was crying and she would lick my legs as a way to heal my emotional wounds. There are also those awesome days when I stay home and work and she jumps on me, barks at me, shakes her favorite monkey and sometimes just “zones out”.  I was never a “dog person” … but falling in love with Jessie while I was living in the United Kingdom and bringing her to the United States was by far one of the best things I’ve ever done.

I love you and I’m so very thankful for you being in my life, Jess!

Unless you are suffering a hardship that has turned your heart to coal and you sacrifice lemurs as a sport…. Children should always make you thankful for life.

They used to tell me that babies are angels on earth. I did not believe that until I had my daughter. The days I used to marvel at her were many… And I still do, even now as she is very nutty 4yr old. Children represent hope, they represent everything that was beautiful and loving within you.

To watch them discover the world, it makes me thankful and grateful to be alive.

Dear Ballard Catchings,

I am thankful that you were my father and I hope that you are resting in peace.

Though our life together was tumultuous and we spent many years apart, I loved you and I loved what you did for me as a father. You taught me everything I know, even though you didn’t finish the 9th grade. You fled Jackson, Mississippi and never looked back.

You taught me that excellence was my right as a human being and that being Black did not exclude me from exuding excellence in everything I do. You taught me how to count by playing poker, spades and go-fish… I went on to graduate university with a Bachelor of Science degree in accounting. You taught me about social studies by making me read the Sunday paper with you. You told me to see the world, to date – I have been to London, Paris, Ireland, Belgium, and Amsterdam… and I plan to see much more of the world until my last breath. Even though you never left America, you taught me that being global was the way of the future and that I needed to know more about the world in order to be at the top of my game. You taught me about music. Sitting in the car listening to Thelonious Monk and Duke Ellington on your 8-track you forced me to learn all my instruments through closing my eyes and listening to jazz for hours upon end in the summer time when I went to work with you. I became a DJ at the age of 27 and a damn good one at that.

You taught me about racism and how it was the cancer of the world. Even though your mother had been raped by the white farmer in which held your family as indenture servants and she died giving birth to his baby, you taught me that racism was a cancer on the world and it cheated people out of true friendships in life. You taught me to be open to all ethnicities, all nationalities and to be a good person. You taught me that there are really only two people: Good People and Bad People. You told me that I may find a long, great and wonderful lasting friendship in a white, Asian or another ethnic person and to accept that friendship because at our core we are all human. You taught me that being color blind is ignorance and accepting a person for all that they are is the way forward to having the world recognize my own greatness and making the world a better place. I want you to know I have friends of all races, all political preferences, from many different countries.

I want you to know your grand-daughter is both an American citizen and a citizen of the British Empire; she is both African-American and European-British, she speaks English, Mandarin and Spanish.

She is your legacy – she is the beautiful fruit of all the love and wisdom you put into me.

Most of all daddy, I want you to know that it was you that sowed the seed of greatness in me from as long as I could remember and though our life as father and child was marred with a long separation, it was that love, dedication and effort you put into me from an early age that set me on the path to “fabulousness”.

I am thankful that you were my dad.

I love you!

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”  ― Maya Angelou

When I met my husband, I was 29. I didn’t believe in forever, I lived for the now. He held my hand. Told me how beautiful I was while making me feel magical and special. I couldn’t imagine life without him and I always wanted to be with him. It was he that started me to invest in forever.

Fast forward one move to America later, one house built later, one miracle baby later… It was the forever that held me in place while my marriage crumbled aimlessly around me. I kept dreaming of those sunrises we’d see in Devon. I kept dreaming of someday visiting Rome as a family.

Forever seemed attainable for me.
Then as he walked out… My belief in forever ended and I was so filled with sorrow, beguiled by pain of having my unconditional love discarded… I immediately stopped believing in forever, because now I realize my forever wasn’t real.

I lost forever in my marriage…
I lost the love in my marriage forever.
Forever.

This month we are exploring happiness… and this couldn’t come at a better time.  I’m about to lose my home, that makes me unhappy.  My 8 year and 6 month marriage dissolved 3 months before my 9 year wedding anniversary and the 10 year anniversary of when we met. Very high on the unhappy meter.  I have these small moments where I’m sad, I am distraught, I’m confused about why someone you love would completely obliterate everything good you believed in them, why would someone walk out (twice) on their child and why life seems so cruel. I blamed  myself for being naïve and wanted to love someone who may never really actually loved me.  So, this puts me as “ZERO NO-HIGHEST” on the unhappy meter. Unhappy @Efabulous1… is not fabulous.

So at some point, I put my big girl panties on today.
I said TO MYSELF …. BE HAPPY.

Lose home and move into tiny apartment with daughter and dog.  That’s okay because I have nice furniture and I really and truly adore my daughter and my dog, plus what’s wonderful is that they love me back and have never once abandoned me.  Sure it’s coming in the future, but those are my best friends right now.

Heart Broken, well… they say to have loved, is better to have never loved at all.  Okay, I will take that silver lining.

Fiscally ruined by divorce proceedings, well it’s no escaping the financial horror of divorce – however there are a lot of people doing a lot worse.

Sarcoidosis and other health issues… triggered by stress, so my job is not to STRESS OUT.
So at some point, I looked at my face in the mirror and remembered I was once a beautiful young girl, with a huge heart, a hearty laugh and I loved the world and all that was in it.

I said to myself…. BE HAPPY.

…and damnit it’s an uphill battle, but I rather fight the good fight to inject happiness, joy, peace and authenticity in my life, than to die inside from marginalizing myself ever again.

That made me internally happy and at peace.

*****

SO, OCTOBER IS “HAPPINESS MONTH”! We will be exploring what makes people happy.  Is there a formula for happiness? How can you keep an IV or “happiness” on tap, so you can invoke those positive feelings and affirmations of positive living at a whim’s notice. Do send us your testimonials of  happiness, ideas… we’d love to share them.

*****

To start the month off right, we must examine some ideas, notions, concoctions, suggestions and all thing HAPPY.  Yet, let’s take a very intellectual approach to start.

In 1960, journalist Gordon Young asked Carl Jung, “What do you consider to be more or less basic factors making for happiness in the human mind?” Jung answered with five elements:

1. Good physical and mental health.
2. Good personal and intimate relationships, such as those of marriage, the family, and friendships.
3. The faculty for perceiving beauty in art and nature.
4. Reasonable standards of living and satisfactory work.
5. A philosophic or religious point of view capable of coping successfully with the vicissitudes of life.

*****

What say you… do you agree?

When you love from the heart, there are some special moments. Moments when the universe tells you in your soul… I brought you two together for this moment. You feel as though everything you’ve ever done lead us to this moment and you never want it to end. … For some that moment lasts a life time, for some its fleeting.

I now look at my 10 year relationship and 8.75 years of marriage as a pinboard of my heart. You choose special memories to fill your board up and tell a beautiful story, choose not to fill it up with the ugliness of the “End” or the “fairytale” and lies of the beginning. Fill your board up with those authentic, surreal, touching, special moments where the universe told you in your soul… I brought you two together for these moments.

Take your board and frame it as a PDF in your mind. Then delete it from your heart. Smile, laugh and cry when you mentally retrieve your pinboard and relive those astounding moments of love.

This will allow you to forgive and if some of us are ever lucky enough… To love again.

… As I struggle to let my Pinboard of the heart go… I send wishes of peace, fairness, kindness and the restoration of joy to those walking the path with me.

Namaste.

You cannot control LOVE. It cannot be mapped out on a timeline. It cannot grow with fear. You cannot trick it to stay with hope for what you think you want in the future. Real love is driven by destiny, feeling secure in the uncertainty of your passionate feelings, trust in each other and forgiveness of one another. Do not substitute comfortable for Love. Do not settle and call it Love. Just LOVE one another authentically. If you two cannot move forward by letting your past go and shape a new dynamic love without the baggage of your old relationship. Then take a step back and be authentic about what you really want for yourself and go from that place … Be prepared to be truthful and possibly let each other go… -@Efabulous1 for @TwoDopeMoms

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao]

This totally hit home for me. I found this on yogaandsoul.com. (Thanks Rashunda!)
Remember… You are great!