1. I am confused about what fat loss, calorie tracker, diet app to use. (I would like to blame my blog partner @Chicagomom72 for this quaqmire!)
2. I want this fat off my person because essentially, I am 172lbs (5’9 in height) and I should be 145lbs. I am 1.18 of the person I want to be. That is too close to 1.25 of a person. That’s bothers me and theorectically if you used pre civil-war law I’m almost close to the equivalent of two slaves (using the 3/4th rule). Shut it… this is how my mind works. Let’s simplify, I’m an emotional eater and now I’m fat and I don’t want to pinch my own ass. Happy!
Me and my ass.
Me and my BIG ass.
Okay, I don’t have a big ass I have a big stomach, but sometimes people mistake it for a front ass.
HOLD YOUR TONGUE.
Is this a plea for help?
I’m carb’ing and I can’t get up.
…. wait for it. Wait….. Rant over.
Okay, seriously please help me out. Tell me what app you use and how much you plan to lose in the new year. Yes, I am going to increase the number of times I see my therapist. That is for another post. Get out my head.
It started on Tuesday.
I was driving my 3 year old to school and she was playing Alphabet Goop on my Playbook. The game was going swimmingly. Then, out of no where, out the blue, came 6 words that tore my heart out and made me scream for Jesus to come down and save me now!
My 3 year old said to me “Mommy, can I have an iPad?”
What the hell?
Call an exorcist, my child is possessed by Steve Wonziak… HE’S A WARLOCK, I TELL YOU.
I turned around calmly and said “We are #TeamBlackberry, we don’t need an iPad. Plus, mommy bought you a Nook Color when you turned 3 years old. Theorectically, you have 2 tablets, which are better than an iPad”.
Retort from 3 year old human: “…but Lesley (her BFF) has an iPad!”
The conversation dies down. I put my foot down.
Until this morning… while I was talking to “Granny Marie”, a shrill voice of a naughty 3 year old raised high and mighty during our phone conversation and then uttered the blaspheme of modern ages to #TeamBlackberry….
Mommy, can I have an iPad? I want one. Lesley has one.
I said no. What will you do with the Nook Color.
Response from small human: I guess I have to close it up.
*blank stare at small child I gave birth to 3 years ago*…. CALL THE EXORCIST! IT’S THE APPLE DEVIL FROM WITHIN!
I thought about it….
I got very quiet….
…then with all the might of a mighty warrior preparing to do battle with the giant cyclops using only stones, I replied….
“go ask your father!”